Subject: “Corvus And The Music Button.”
Keith Attempts To Ban Joy.”
At 11:18 this morning, Corvus discovered a small,
unlabelled button hidden beneath the Guild’s main speaker system.
He pressed it.
Witnesses report that the music immediately changed.
He pressed it again.
The music changed again.
He pressed it again.
And again.
And again.
By 11:21, the playlist was cycling every 2.5 seconds.
For reasons unclear, Corvus described the effect as
“artistically disruptive.”
Reactions were mixed:
Keith shouted, “TURN THAT OFF OR I WILL EAT THE SPEAKER.”
Brin attempted to dance but became dizzy and fell into a wreath.
Blue tried to write an HR policy mid-chaos, failed, and simply wrote “WHY.”
Hades blinked once, turned around, and left the room.
Eglantine muttered, “this is how civilizations fall.”
Corvus refused to stop, stating:
“You can’t silence innovation.”
Keith unplugged the speaker.
It turned back on.
Corvus pressed the button again.
And again.
And again.
Witnesses described the subsequent audio environment as:
“sonic carnage,”
“emotional disorientation,”
and “aggressive jingle bells weaponized against the public.”
Keith attempted a tactical intervention.
He tripped over tinsel.
The button was pressed accidentally twelve more times.
Blue has added a temporary HR category:
‘Reckless Audio Endangerment.’
Corvus has been banned from touching electronic devices
until next Tuesday at 14:00 GMT.
He responded by pressing the button one last time,
“for closure.”
Cleanup is ongoing.
Hearing is partial.
Tension is high.
The button has been confiscated.
Keith has hidden it.
Corvus knows where.
Investigation ongoing.
Morale unstable.
Music unpredictable.
