Subject: “Keith Attempts the Temporary Arrest of a Snowman.”

**Snowman Declines to Comply.”

At 10:14 this morning, Keith identified a large snowman positioned near the Guild’s courtyard as “acting suspiciously.”

He cited:

failure to move,

failure to speak,

and “that look in its eyes.”

Keith attempted to make verbal contact.

The snowman remained silent.

Keith interpreted this as “hostile defiance.”

He proceeded to issue a formal arrest.

The snowman refused to comply by continuing to be a snowman.

Keith attempted a tactical maneuver.

He slipped.

The snowman remained upright.

Corvus recorded the event in its entirety.

No one has seen the footage,

but everyone has heard the laughter.

Witnesses report:

Keith shouting, “STOP RESISTING.”

Blue asking if snowmen have legal rights.

Brin offering to “bite it until it listens.”

Eglantine turning away and whispering, “I am too old for this.”

Hades blinking once, then continuing on with his day.

The snowman has been relocated.

Keith insists it “escaped custody.”

Corvus insists it “was moved by wind.”

Keith has filed paperwork anyway.

Investigation ongoing.